Just wanted to share a smile- if only I could get my crew to understand it!!

Dear Dogs
>
> When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions
> with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
>
> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
> other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
> print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
> becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
> pleasing in the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack.
> Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help,
> because I fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
> about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to
> ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can
> actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
> perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
> possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
> tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing
> but doggy sarcasm.
>
> When I am playing the pinball machine, jumping up and trying to grab
> the ball through the glass is not helpful. Barking at me because I'm
> not helping you achieve your goal does not win you any extra brownie
> points.
>
> My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If
> by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
> is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
> under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
> same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for
> years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
>
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I
> cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
>
> Thank you...Mom