These were posted on the Golden bulletin board. I especially like the
first. It is called "A Letter To My Dog"...


When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a pawprint in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a
ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is
nothing but doggy sarcasm.

When I am playing the pinball machine, jumping up and trying to grab the
ball through the glass is not helpful. Barking at me because I'm not helping
you achieve your goal does not win you any extra brownie points.

My compact discs are not miniature frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine
attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell other dogs butt. I cannot stress
this enough. It would be such a simple change for you guys to make.

author unknown - forwarded with permission by claudia jones

Mind Games Dogs Play With Their Humans

1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU!
Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This
is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.

2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears
back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done
something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house
for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you
have done absolutely nothing wrong.)

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then when
the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the
humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff
around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to
go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest,
most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone
watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring
a plastic bag.

6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a
strange human walks by.

7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing
fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at
the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible
has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is
panic-stricken and close to tears).

9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as
slowly as possible back to the door.

10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make
the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back
inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going
outside, this will drive them nuts!)


Vicky Bosco & Bella

Bulldog Club of Greater Seattle

http://www.rainyday.net/bcgs