A DOG'S LETTER TO GOD -
> >
> > Dear God,
> > Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old
>story?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the
>colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? > How
>often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! > Would
>it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he
>still in trouble?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
> horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and
>Frisbee flight paths.. What do humans understand?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
> >
> > Dear God,
> > When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
> > apologize?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a
> good dog:
> >
> > I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they
> > throw it up. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
>because I like the way they smell.
> > I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they
>are tasty, they are not food.
> > The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
> > The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
> > The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> > My head does not belong in the refrigerator or dishwasher.
> > I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver
>s license and registration.
> > I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
>toilet.
> > Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
>saying 'hello.'
> > I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under
>the coffee table.
> > I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
> > I will not throw up in the car.
> > I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across
>the carpet.
> > I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
>when company is over.
> > The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes
>that funny noise, it's usually not a good thing.
> >
> > And, finally my last question
> >
> > Dear God,
> > When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?
> >
> > Thank you for listening, God -
> > The Dog
>