Gorcoff avatar image

Saying goodbye too soon

This past Thursday I lost my Ellie Mae.  I cannot believe she is gone and the void and hurt is so deep.  She was only 4 years and 4 months.  I am awaiting the final pathology report but last Monday after being hospitalized since the previous Wednesday the Dr had to go in and perform biopsy.  Wednesday when she was admitted it was because when they performed a complete blood count her white blood cells were extremely high and her red blood cells were very low.  Her liver was showing it was very irritated on X-ray and ultra sound and also through lab work.  She was placed on am IV with fluids and metronidazole.  Dr pulled blood again and white blood count had gone up and red blood count had gone down.  At which point he said he needed to go in and see what was going on.  When they opened her up her spleen was three times the size it should've been and was cracked so they removed.  However, Dr did not see any masses.  Biopsy of spleen, liver, lymph nodes, bile was sent off to pathology.  After the surgery I spenty days at the vet trying to nurse my baby girl back.  She was so weak and would not eat on her own.  I picked up some baby food and would place a little bit in her mouth at a time and then drop water by the strawful into her mouth. My heart was so torn because my Ellie Mae was such a ball of love and energy.  I used to joke and say I was blessed with a defect because when most people here bulldog they think laid back, easy going, chillaxed.  Ellie was no such thing.  She loved to play fetch and would play for hours on end if you let her.  She was so smart and she knew me so well.  So to see her go from one extreme to the other and now have to be spoon fed and so weak just killed me.  The first set of data from pathology came in on the bile and showed no cancer.  I felt like there was some hope.  Then Thursday morning when I walked in she didn't even try to lift her head up when she heard my voice and I knew in my heart although I wanted to be optimistic that she was telling me she just didn't have it in her.  I pressed through the morning and fed her baby food little by little and water throughout the morning.  I just laid next to her and snuggled with her on her bed I brought in for her and her blankets.  I talked to her all morning and then the dr came in and said the second of pathology data came in and showed cancer in the liver.  I knew earlier that day when I looked into her eyes that she was telling me it was time to let her go.  I didn't want to acknowledge it and I felt like I could have enough fight in me for the both of us.  When the dr told me there was cancer in the liver I knew I had to acknowledge what Ellie Mae was telling earlier that morning.  So Thursday while I laid with her and wrapped her in my arms Ellie Mae left me.  I cannot believe she is gone and I cannot believe that my 4 year old baby had liver cancer.  She was my everything.

mariohdz's picture

So very sorry for your loss

I know exacly what you are going through. I just lost my Angus to cancer last week and I hurt everyday . Please believe me I know how you feel and am very sorry and I will pray that things will be ok for you.

Gorcoff's picture

Thank you

Thank you for your kind words!!

 I am so sorry for your loss too, and will keep you in my prayers as well.  

God's grace, love, and mercy will see us through and Heaven has gained two bundles of joy & love.

Stephanie and David's picture

I am so sorry. They are so special in our lives.

She was a lucky doggie to have you to stay with her and care for her. They are very special beings. I hope that soon, you will think of her and have good memories that will only make you smile.

I am so sorry for your loss. RIP Ellie Mae.

Prayers to you and your family.

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Kathy Chester Newman and Jessa's picture

That brings tears to my eyes...

So sad when we lose one of our babies and to loose them so young just seems so senseless.  We lost our first boy at 22 months and our second had lymphoma and passed away at 6 after a year of chemo.  I know how awful this feels, sending you healing thoughts, we have all been through this.

Dave and Zapper's picture

I'm so terribly sorry. There's really nothing to say that..

will ease your pain but know that everyone here feels your pain. I will remember you in prayer and in my thoughts.

Sincerely,

Dave

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AmyandSophia's picture

My deepest condolences on the loss of your girl.

Such a young one, very sad indeed. I can't says enough words to comfort you, just know that we are all here for you.

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Amy and Sophia

I went through something similar...........

My heart breaks for you, as I know what this is like.  My Otie was 9 when he got very, very sick and was at the vet for 7 days as they tried to figure out what was wrong.  His blood counts were so messed up and finally the vet said if he didn't go in he would die.  They found a twisted spleen and it was necrotic and he took it out.  He came home but a month later something inside of him "exploded" and he was gone within a hour.  He actually died in my car on the way to the emergency vet.

I so totally understand your pain and heartache, and to lose your baby so young.  My thoughts and prayers are with you, and you are not alone, as most of us have been through what you have.  It helps to have those who understand.

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  Miss you sweet boy Otie (July 29, 2013)

 

 

I am so sorry for

your loss. You did the right thing, she is a little ball of energy RUNNING in the sky now without ANY pain !! Hugs and Prayers coming your way....

carmiesmommy's picture

My heartfelt sympathy

My heart breaks for you. We all know what it feels like to lose one of our own. Please find solace knowing that she is now pain free and in peace running and playing over the rainbow bridge. Wishing time will heal your heart quickly.

CathyandZimmer's picture

I'm so sorry to read this.

I was fortunate to have much more time with my boy than you had with your sweet girl. I have to think that everyone and everything has their time to go in this world. Why do 2 year old children die at a young age...there are no answers to why the ones we love are taken from us, human or animal.
All I know is when Zimmer's heart stopped mine broke into a million pieces.

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Cathy & Zimmer

www.midatlanticbulldogrescue.com

 

 

MacknTeaBoneTillieMae's picture

hugs my friend..........nm

nm

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Mack 'n' Tillie Mae Mack

 

 

attitude is altitude!

 

 

Maggie Porkchop and Bubba's picture

Condolences

The last bit of love we can offer our beautiful bullies is a painless, peaceful passing. We also had to prove our undying love when we had our wonderful bully boy put to rest this past June.  My deepest sympathies to you.

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Maggie Porkchop and Bubba

Monica-Maude-Gus's picture

I am so sorry

Your loss of your baby girl is so devastating.  Ellie Mae knows that you did all you could and that you loved her to the moon and back.

When you feel up to it, please share some pictures and memories of your girl with us.  We are here for you.  

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Monica, Maude and Gus

Gorcoff's picture

Overwhelmed with the outpouring if support


THANK YOU so much from the bottom of my heart!  Each comment has breathed a little bit of life back into me.  Thursday - Sunday were excruciating days for me.  I slept and wept each of those days. 

We rescued an English Bulldog, Brodie, back in July and he has helped me so much by absorbing my pain.  I feel when I hug him he is taking in my pain to help me heal if that makes sense.  He's a big guy and completely opposite of Ellie Mae.  They complimented each other so well.  When most people think of the English Bulldog breed they would think of Brodie.  Easy going, not a care in the world.  All he wants is his food and his belly rubs!  I was so excited when we got him.  It took him a little while to open up and know that he was in his forever home.  The only time you would see him hustle eould be to his food bowl!  However, after watching Ellie Mae run up and down the hall and chase her ball back and forth he decided he wanted to get in on the action.  She taught him how to play and to put a little pizazz in his life.  Even though they were only together for about 4 months she was a WONDERFUL big sister!!  I believe he senses the void too.  Perhaps, we are each other's saving grace and healing instrument. 

Ellie Mae was just the greatest.  I always swore I would never buy from a pet store because it just feeds the sad puppy mill cycle.  However, when I walked in after seeing the sign English Bulldogs for sale - I knew the minute I saw her eyes that she was mine.  It was like I could see her soul.  It was so special.  She had cherry eye and upper respiratory but I knew in my heart that I had to rescue her.  Patron after patron would walk in asking when she would be ready because they wanted a female so they could breed.  It made me sick and so I believe it was 2 days later she was home with me being nursed from her upper respiratory and being welcomed into our home.  She was sooooo smart.  She knew what I was saying.  Whether we were in the kitchen, and I would tell her to go get her ball and we would play.  To walking outside hearing me say go potty and she would go do her business.  To being soooo excited for her doggie daycare days!  So full of love!  So full of life!

My Aunt said she was my heart dog.  I had never heard that expression before but that's exactly what she was!  She knew me and I knew her!  Ohhhhh she'll be missed dearly & deeply!

Thank you for each of your posts!  They have meant the world to me and thank you for opening up and sharing your losses with me!  I know Heaven has gained some truly amazing bulldogs!!

As soon as I figure out how to upload photos from my phone I will photos of Ellie Mae!  

Once again Thank You for helping me through my healing process! 

Blessings,

Laurie

Dave and Zapper's picture

We all hurt right along with you Laurie..

I lost my Zapper a little over 3 months ago and this board and the people here is what has helped me tremenously to deal with it.

dave

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MacknTeaBoneTillieMae's picture

so very sorry for your loss..........

these babies sure do grab our hearts. sounds like you and ellie mae made some very wonderful memories that will, one day, allow your heart to smile once again..................

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Mack 'n' Tillie Mae Mack

 

 

attitude is altitude!

 

 

Deborah and the NC gang's picture

I am so very sorry for your loss~~

AmyandSophia's picture

I'm so very sorry.

how terribly sad for you. She sounds like quite the girl:-) You have lots of wonderful memories to carry you through the grief. Better days will come along....

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Amy and Sophia

mrhig2004's picture

my heartfelt condolences

Words cannot describe how sad I am for you. I know the pain is unbearable. I lost my first bully also at 4 years 4 months. I hope in time your pain eases. RIP sweet bully girl.

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Lord Of The Things's picture

R.I.P. Ellie Mae

I am so sorry. I hope you feel better soon. 

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

                                                                                              -Dr. Seuss

So sorry,

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Thanks,

ABruce &

So sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss.

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Joy

karonelaine's picture

I'm so sorry for your Lost

Yes way to soon. Just know he will always be here and Never forgotten. I lost my blind Big boy when he had to have one eye remove. I miss him so much. Life was not good for him intill he went in Rescuse and I found him. I still blame myself because I took him in and promise everything would be o.k. Give Him a Big Hug and Kiss and told him Mommy would be waiting. The pain to this day is still very very hard. I am so sorry for your loss. 

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Karonelaine