RIP Duffy Dawg (Not sure I will do that again!)

So I had Duffy cross the Rainbow Bridge.  The options I had was to leave him with the Vet, sit with him or have a friend sit with him for the last moments.  I sat with him holding him the whole time.  Seeing the injection and the quickness of his passing and having his carcass on my lap and pulled off my lap was horrifying.  I felt panicky as though I had "Killed him".  I think in the future I would hold him until the injection phase and then leave the room but have a trusted friend see it through with the Vet.  

I miss him terribly.  In Chicago it was rainy, grey and cold so I thought this might be the day.  So I got Duffy a large Porterhouse Steak and fed it to him.  He loved it.  He was peeing everywhere, and had that look of disengagement / unhappiness.  He wouldn't always come to me but if I put my face near his he would still lick me.  His ability to walk was wobbly and he was stumbling.  He could have lasted a few more weeks - at most - walking.  We tested his urination and it wasn't diabetes, UTI or Cushing's so he likely had cancer.  13 1/2 is very long and I was blessed - I know.

Death is so final though.  I feel horrible he isn't here.  I feel horrible seeing the injection - I do.   In the future at the last second I would have a friend see the final 20 seconds on my behalf.

I cringe even thinking about it.

RIP Duffy

My heart goes out to you. It is such a horrible experience saying good-bye to our buddies.

I know how difficult it is to experience the final moments but I always felt it was my last duty to my dog and I have held them to the end.

Take care

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Lynn King CPDT-KA

This morning

I got 3 - 4 hour sleep and woke up.  The second after I woke up I realized he was gone and started to cry and grieve again.  I wanted to go to his sick bed and wake him up and hug him and complain about my unhappiness but he is no longer around!  Our house seems infinitely bigger without him around as we had several sick beds for him during his last couple months.  I look forward to Monday where I will be back at work but this is a horrible loss and grieving is so tough and horrible.

This loss has me questioning faith and humanity.  I looked at my dawg prior to him going down thinking he surely proves God's love and existence on how special he was.  Then with his passing I have unhappiness that a God would allow this unhappiness.  I think its a wonderful thought but not likely of this Rainbow Bridge or Heaven concept where we will be with our dawgs in full happines and health again.  To think Duffy is no more - ever, however, is an awful thought too.

Aside from the existential soloqui, I just miss him and have been sobbing off and on.  How long do most people actively grieve a pet's loss?

I wonder if I should have a dog again if the exit price is emotionally so high!

I appreciate anyone's thoughts.  

AmyandSophia's picture

I understand completely.

I have gone back and forth on animals being eternal like people are. It stands to reason to me, that nothing God created with a spirit or soul ever dies, but lives on for eternity in one place or the other. Animals do not have free will, they pretty much do what they were created to do. People have a free will and chose their own beliefs and paths. If an animal is a created being, which it is, and has a soul or spirit, which it does, but has not free will and so will not chose its life path, then would God not take that obedient created being and put it somewhere besides just back to the dirt? I don't know my friend, but I CHOSE to believe that Gods creation lives forever, and that is what I stand on. You have a choice, do you believe it or don't you believe it. That's all it is. Don't confound yourself with all of the ifs and buts, it does no good and only serves to drive you farther one way or the other.

Grieve, cry, yell, punch a pillow or go to the gym and work out, whatever it takes for you to be okay with the brevity and reality of life. It comes, it goes, it is all Gods plan. But life doesn't end, it goes on elsewhere for eternity. One other thing, when there is a new Heaven and a new Earth, and God populates the new Earth with His own, would He really re-create all of the creatures that will be there as well? I don't think so, I think He will use what has already been created, and those will have to come from....?!

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Amy and Sophia

Monica-Maude-Gus's picture

I am so sorry about Duffy Dawg

I've lost dogs before, but not a bulldog.  My heart goes out to you because I know how special he was.  You have lost a member of your family, and no one can tell you how long you "should" grieve a family member.  One day, your happy memories of Duffy D. will begin to outweigh the sad ones and you will know that your heart is starting to heal.

Duffy lived a good long life, and that was not by accident.  Your love and caring kept him with you for a long time and he will be with you always in your heart and soul.

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Monica, Maude and Gus

Thank you

I appreciate your kind thoughts.  I look for Duffy everywhere....all his areas he slept.  I keep wanting to hear the jingle of his collar.  My life has a big Pause on it now.  I work I do stuff but bigger issues about the future are sidelined for now.  Its a horrible new reality.

Mabel Misses Duffy

So our 10 year old female looks outside and just stands there.  We think she is looking for him.  That has thrown us for yet another grieving loop!  I wish I could talk to her and have her understand!  I guess even though we don't understand each other's verbal language, we understand the loss.  He used to lick her ears every night.

I didn't expect this to be such a loss to all of us.  But the statement that a "Member of our family is gone" is true.  

Deborah and the NC gang's picture

I am so very sorry for your loss~~

i lost Griffin in Feb he was 13...I am mad because my vet let him pass in the back without me there to be with him...I have always been there for my animals when they passed... I feel let down and cheated...     Sending you hugs in this difficult time

hugs

Trade offs

The options are:

1. You have the Vet take it in the back and you don't see the syringe and the last breaths or

2. You stay with the dog and deal with the visual of seeing life pass.

I stayed with Duffy #2....and I hate the visuals of the syringe going in and the lifeless body.....

I think I would in retrospect stay with him for the last seconds and then have a friend do the last 20 seconds and see the lifeless body....that is just me.

mctt1luv's picture

So so sorry

I am so sorry to hear that Duffy has joined Ajax at the rainbow bridge.  Just know every week gets a little easier and easier. Duffy would not want you to feel like this. Do you have any other dogs? Trying to find comfort is the hardest part. Just know you did what had to be done and Duffy is happy with his renewed life playing with SO many others. I am sending you positive thoughts and thinking about you in your time of need. 

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Christiane Stine

mom to Oliver