Bulldogs World

So I had Duffy cross the Rainbow Bridge.  The options I had was to leave him with the Vet, sit with him or have a friend sit with him for the last moments.  I sat with him holding him the whole time.  Seeing the injection and the quickness of his passing and having his carcass on my lap and pulled off my lap was horrifying.  I felt panicky as though I had "Killed him".  I think in the future I would hold him until the injection phase and then leave the room but have a trusted friend see it through with the Vet.  

I miss him terribly.  In Chicago it was rainy, grey and cold so I thought this might be the day.  So I got Duffy a large Porterhouse Steak and fed it to him.  He loved it.  He was peeing everywhere, and had that look of disengagement / unhappiness.  He wouldn't always come to me but if I put my face near his he would still lick me.  His ability to walk was wobbly and he was stumbling.  He could have lasted a few more weeks - at most - walking.  We tested his urination and it wasn't diabetes, UTI or Cushing's so he likely had cancer.  13 1/2 is very long and I was blessed - I know.

Death is so final though.  I feel horrible he isn't here.  I feel horrible seeing the injection - I do.   In the future at the last second I would have a friend see the final 20 seconds on my behalf.

I cringe even thinking about it.